Many people trying to stop unwanted pornography use instinctively try to control their thoughts and feelings — to push them away, suppress urges, or eliminate uncomfortable sensations. While resisting may reduce discomfort briefly, research shows that the more we struggle against thoughts and urges, the more persistent and powerful they can feel.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven C. Hayes, offers a different way forward.
Why Controlling Backfires
- Suppressing thoughts often makes them more frequent.
- Pushing away urges can feel effective only momentarily.
- The thought or craving tends to return again and again, sometimes more intense.
- This cycle drains emotional energy and reinforces struggle.
Attempting control can create a mental tug-of-war — and in that battle, the urge often feels bigger than it really is.
What Acceptance Actually Means
Acceptance in ACT doesn’t mean approval of the behavior. Instead, it means:
- Noticing thoughts and urges without trying to make them disappear.
- Allowing uncomfortable feelings to be present without acting on them.
- Making space for internal experience instead of fighting it.
When you stop trying to force thoughts out, they tend to rise and then fade on their own, like waves passing through awareness.
Evidence from Utah State University
Research from Utah State University examined ACT as a treatment for problematic Internet pornography use. In a randomized clinical trial, adults who received a 12-session ACT protocol reported substantially larger reductions in pornography viewing than a waitlist control group. Combined results showed about a 92 % reduction in self-reported pornography viewing at post-treatment, with many participants achieving complete cessation or major reductions in use.
From Control to Choice
When you shift away from trying to control thoughts and feelings toward acceptance, you create psychological space. Instead of reacting on autopilot, you can ask:
- “Where is this urge showing up in my body?”
- “Can I allow this feeling without acting on it?”
- “What matters most right now — acting on the urge or living in line with my values?”
ACT isn’t about eliminating thoughts — it’s about learning they don’t have to control your actions. That’s where real change and freedom begin.